Should Women Make the First Move?

Should Women Make the First Move?

Friday, March 30, 2012

If she does make the first move, it must be a pawn or a knight...

No, this isn't a chess game (although men might feel this way), this is an awkward part of mating in the human world. Traditionally, a man attempts to woo a woman by first expressing some interest toward them. However, it seems that these events are typically viewed as the man's responsibility. If men and women should be viewed as equal, then shouldn't women partake in beginning an initiative toward the man of their dreams?

This was a topic that was heavily discussed on a friend's Facebook wall and one of the comments from the women included:

"No! Make him work for it a little. Men have it easy these days ... But you can give him a hint/clue"

Now, men having it easy as a statement coming from a woman might be a generalization of everything about men and women. For instance, giving birth, menstruating, wearing extra undergarments et cetera. However, in the dating sense, trying to pick up on hints or clues is not easy. Especially for men. The main reason why any relationship fails (even non-romantic) is by lack of communication. Now, I am also not saying that one should simply become the open-book either. Mystery is an important aspect of building a relationship as well. Though this is only when the beginning of the relationship is established. You cannot build anything (structures, emotions, et cetera) without initiating a beginning.

Another comment made assumes that women will reject you "...in a nice way since you put the time, effort and thought into her." Rejection is most difficult for the rejectee not the rejector. So the rejector (traditionally the woman) will not typically communicate the lack of interest or attraction in order to release emotional stress of the rejectee directly. For example: when a man asks out a woman and the woman replies "I have a boyfriend" when she in fact does not have a boyfriend and simply isn't attracted to the man. This include logic that says she unavailable rather than the man thinking "am I not interesting/attractive?", as if he was the problem. Though this will simply rekindle if the lie was uncovered by the man, instead thinking "why did she lie?". It's also important to understand that being interesting or attractive is a matter of perspective, not a matter or fact.

Another point here is about getting what you want. I believe if you want something, you should make the effort to get it, unless you feel your resources would be depleted in your attempt. So, as an example, what would want more: $1.00 or $100.00? A hundred dollars of course but, which is easier to attain? The dollar would require less resources, as you could probably ask for change from people to see on the street for a few hours to acquire the dollar. It would require much more effort to amount to 100 times that sum but both require effort to get something.

So, I believe it's foolish for a woman to think that the perfect man (or any man for that matter) is simply going to deliver himself to her doorstep in any amount of time without a bit of effort by communication on her part. Though I wouldn't suggest asking for men on the street as that effort.